Example of Satire

5 Invalid Reasons for Not Blowing Him Daily (A Guide for Women, from A D.U.M.B.A.S.S. Man)

By: Christina Ayoleke

According to a study conducted by the Dudes Understanding Most Broads, Association of Societal Studies (or as they are more commonly known, D.U.M.B.A.S.S.) women have many roles, but the most important is keeping the man in her life happy. For this reason alone, it is a wife’s duty – nay, obligation – to pleasure her husband orally. Women who don’t want to play their position; however, often come up with reasons as to why they can’t perform… they’re typically invalid. Here are 5 of those excuses and why they aren’t justifiable enough to leave a man with blue balls.

You aren’t really in the mood for lovemaking. Well, why the hell not? A good wife is always ready. You couldn’t possibly be doing anything better anyway. I promise you The Real Housewives of Atlanta, or whatever the hell else you gals watch, isn’t going anywhere. Just hit record on the DVR and lets get the ball(s) rolling!

You have a headache. That’s no excuse. If you think you need ibuprofen, you’re wrong. Your life-mate’s sweet nectar is the medication you need to get past the pain. Your refusal to commit is only holding you back from recovery.

He hasn’t showered yet and you’re afraid he might smell. So what? In the olden days, people showered, like, once every 2 weeks. How do you think your female ancestors felt? But guess what, they sucked it up and did what they had to do. They fought that smelly fight so you didn’t have to! You owe them this.

He came in from mowing the lawn and his balls are sweaty. Okay, and? This man has just spent an hour out in the ever-beaming sun, making your workplace home beautiful, and sweat is what you’re complaining about? You should be ashamed of yourself! Think of it like this, sweat is nothing more than sodium filled marinade and now it’s time to savor the flavor.

He doesn’t pleasure you orally. That’s not his damn job! Sure, you have to cook, clean, take care of the children, and even hold a full-time job; but, that doesn’t even come close to what he has on his plate (that you better have already prepared). Your husband has to work and do manly things around the house once a month. That’s a lot of responsibility! He doesn’t have time to worry about making your innards tingle. Just do your part and stop complaining about it.


For more relationship advice, depend on our team of experts from D.U.M.B.A.S.S., single guys you can trust!